I only kidnapped one of them. chill
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
