Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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