it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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