I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
