Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
