wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
