He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
