there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm sobbing to NWA
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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