Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
sarcasm needs its own font
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
