i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
