My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
