My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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