grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
