Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
