Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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