conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
