Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
