Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
