They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
