he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
