Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
