Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
