I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
