she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
