when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
