Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
