you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
