He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
