Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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