I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
