I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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