why do cheetos always look like penises
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
