thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
