and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
