yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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