If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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