remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
