Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
