Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
