Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
