I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
