he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
