When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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