I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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