Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
