sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
