i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just want to make out with him forever
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
