goodnight i made you a song goodbye
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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