why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
