I'm drive I can fine osifer
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
