Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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