Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
