cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
